SES San Jose 2007 was even more awesome than usual this year. To prove how awesome it was, I am going to divulge the criteria on which I grade all vacations and trade shows.

Pianos: 9/10

If making 80 bucks playing through my 2 hour repertoire at the Fairmont hotel wasn’t awesome enough, then how about playing the hidden piano at the Googleplex? Pretty awesome if you ask me. For those of you who don’t know, the Googleplex is the top secret office/headquarters of Google.com. If you think you can get in whenever you please, you’re in for a fucking surprise because that place is tighter than the firewall at an elementary school.

For a nefarious internet “spammer” to get in and beat that piano up for a minute or two is pretty awesome.

The piano portion of this trip would be a 10 out of 10, however, there is no video of me playing the piano inside the Googleplex; and also, for all the hotel managers in the world, when a guy walks up to you with a hot girl after the piano has been locked up and says, “She wants to hear me play the piano,” there is no amount of rules or regulations that justify you in saying, “no.” Be a fucking guy, you dicks. I don’t understand how these people sleep at night.

Mayhem 7/10

Drinking, fights, blood, sewing people onto bed spreads; these are the things of a great outing. Several instances come to mind. Some people were caught up in a hotel lobby water fight. Shoemoney had to get his knee sewn shut — but not with stitches, with manliness.

Buds 10/10

I don’t think I’ve met as many new SEO people since my first Webmaster World. The people in this industry are more fun than in any other — and better looking, with the exception of the porn industry. So meeting new ones is always awesome. My facebook notifier has been ticking like a stock machine since I got back.

Overall: 26

As you can see, a 26 is pretty fun. See you in Vegas!