I bought a piano yesterday.  Hooray!

And while that is not a picture of me or my new piano, it is a cool picture and I have taken some cool pictures before.

The piano I got is a Yamaha G1, which is five feet four inches of spruce, basswood, and terror.  Here are some tips for buying a used piano from a private party or a dealer:

1. Bring an ultra violet light.

There are a hundred reasons I can give you for needing to bring one of those bad boys when you buy a used just about anything, but the real reason you should have one is for the reasons I can’t give you.

2. Get them to throw in delivery

You can do the math for yourself.  A piano is 500 pounds.  You have a half ton truck and two guys.  I can lift X much weight, my buddy can lift Y…  Fuck it!  Let’s move this piano ourselfs!

WRONG!

Moving a piano any distance at all with be the second most miserable experience of your life.  The most miserable experience will be lifting it into the bed of your truck.

3. Play all the keys

There’s always one or two keys that are fucked.  Sometimes the damper doesn’t go all the way down; sometimes it sticks; whatever.  Play each one before you buy it.  One or two are usually fucked up because shithead kids who should be playing Nintendo instead of ruining an instrument play the same song with their little ham-fists for a year straight until Mommy and Daddy give up the ghost on their child being a musical prodigy.  That or someone spilled a Guinness on the keys.

4. Know what you’re looking for

Do you want an upright?  Do you want a grand?  Do you know the difference?

Me?  I like my pianos like I like my women: cheap on the outside, but solid enough to take a hell of a lot of action all night long.  Oh yea.