First of all, I hate Heineken. It tastes like skunk piss (credit to Chris Northway on that one) and it has always done so. I remember when they were making Heineken cool. Well it worked and now the shit is everywhere.
I also hate kegs — on account of I am too grown up for kegs.
Here are some reasons (for us grownups) why kegs are crappier than regular beers:
1. Kegs are sloppy and foam all of your shit — including your shoes. That means less beer. You would think you could counter act that by filing up a pitcher or a water bottle for yourself, but all of the sudden you’re the asshole.
2. Kegs are not that much cheaper than beer in it’s natural form (cans and bottles).
3. You can’t bring more than six beers back (MAX) from a keg. I’m talking about using your thumbs in the glass here too. The Claw. When you’re getting beer cans and beer bottles, you can bring back like twenty — use your pockets, tie your shoe laces around the bottoms of your pants and fill em up. Think outside the box.
4. Keg stands are extremely dangerous. I know someone who did a keg stand one time and he fell halfway out of his pants because the jackasses holding him didn’t want to put their fucking beers down for two minutes. Beer bongs are way safe.
5 responses so far ↓
1 cock four // May 26, 2006 at 8:47 pm
dude, my brother and sister had a party and tricked me into doing a keg stand, then they showed a picture of it (damn, it was dark in that basement, what asshole has a flash on his camera phone?) to my mother who was under the impression that I was the chaperon for this debauchery party. *that’s* why keg stands are dangerous.
also, shitty beer comes in kegs. and if you get good beer in a keg, it costs like 200 bucks and no one but me will drink it.
2 Hollandthabest // Dec 21, 2006 at 6:08 am
Heineken rules american idiots holland rules
3 hammer // Dec 21, 2006 at 10:54 am
Heineken is fucking gross dude!
4 YouAreFuckTard // Mar 29, 2007 at 4:14 pm
Heineken is a real man’s beer. Domestic is weak shit for teenage girls. Holland’s beer and women are 1000x better than American.
5 hammer // Mar 29, 2007 at 4:29 pm
Heineken is for pussies or veterans who’ve had both their taste buds and balls shot off.
Fuck Heineken.
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