Dammit!  I had a hilarious letter to post here that I was saving for today, but my roommate threw it away last night!

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

I will try and recount the letter to the best of my recollection.

Dear Dax Herrera and tennents,

That’s me.

We are your neighbors from behind your house on Old Friendly Rd.  You may not be aware, but the music your band plays travels up the hill and into our windows.

I was not aware.  I frequently talk to the neighbors next door and they report being unable to hear our music at all.

We have small children and would appreciate it if you would respect our personal lives and our personal space.

Um, okay. 

As I write this is it 11:10 and your music is interfering with our lives.

Okay.  That was dicked of us to be doing on a Tuesday.  But we hadn’t played since Halloween, and I was honestly so drunk that I didn’t know it was that late.  Besides I’m not the asshole that got on the drums.

Check your homeowners association rules and you will find that that is completely unacceptable.
Thank you.

PS. The music goes on all week and during the weekends.  Enough is enough!

This was left in our mailbox in an unmarked envelope.  I have no idea how these people found my name and my name only (I suspect they rooted through our mail as all bills are addressed to me), I have no idea how long they’ve hated the shit out of us.  We used to play every day for months until 9:00PM sharp back in 2004.  I guess enough wasn’t enough back then.  I have no idea what "band" specifically they are talking about as drums haven’t been played in our house for months sparing two occasions.

Since when is a piano and a dude singing referred to as a band?

All those questions add up to one thing: Sexy Mystery!  I’ve requested a list of all the properties recently bought and sold on Old Friendly street.  Working under the assumption that these "neighbors" didn’t live in the middle of Accoustic Canyon during 2004 (because they would have left a box of scorpions on our porch), I think I can narrow down their address.

The only question that is answered here is what kind of example these jackasses are setting for their kids.  Fucking horrible.  This is how you solve problems kids, by leaving anonymous, vaguely threatening notes in people’s mailboxes.

Nice.