I had to ride my bicycle to work today because I wore out the steering column on my truck. That’s because when I turn, I turn the fuck out of it. I turn with such prejudice that I had to install one of those bus driver turning knobs on my steering wheel. Shit, sometimes I just sit in my driveway and practice turning. That’s how you wear out a steering column.
I have no idea how you wear out a steering column. All I know is it’s going to cost an XBOX 360 including Dead or Alive 4 to fix and that I have to ride my bike to work.
Or do I?
No. I don’t. Because my goddamn bike had two flat tires (which I fucking totally checked for the night before) and instead of cruising to work, I had to walk it up the mountain between my house and the mechanics. Awesome.
When I say mountain, I’m not fucking about either. I took the liberty of pulling up my misery treasure map on Google and marking it with a red line. The big unhappy guy on the bottom left is me upon finding that my circa 1989 Alien mountain bike has two flat tires. Then the red line is where I pushed the goddamn thing back to my house instead of throwing it into some ghetto ass’ backyard. The mountain is indicated by those fuck-off mountain shadows that we’re all familiar with since grade school.
6 responses so far ↓
1 ferozan // Mar 10, 2006 at 2:46 pm
whoa you weren’t kidding… damn
2 Matt Cutts // Mar 10, 2006 at 6:47 pm
Dude: http://www.mattcutts.com/blog/review-armadillo-tires/
Is Greg not paying you enough? I’m here if you want to talk.
3 hammer // Mar 10, 2006 at 8:19 pm
I don’t need bike tires to stop bullets. I eat Rold Gold, baby.
It’s gotta be the pretzels.
4 jackie // Mar 11, 2006 at 6:08 pm
what’s the appeal with this google map treasure hunt thing? it doesn’t look fun, it looks like work. geography is dumb. also, where’s the mustache on your angry face?
yeah.
5 hammer // Mar 11, 2006 at 11:08 pm
That straight line is my moustache. It’s obscuring my mouth.
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