An open letter to math professors:

Hello.  One or two of you perhaps remember me, but most of you don’t, so I’ll get to the point.

When you dumb fucks don’t grade exams on a curve, you’re pretty much pissing all over Diophantus’ grave.  And since I know some of you nerd cocksuckers won’t get that because you don’t know enough about math to grade on the curve (like you stupid shits at UCLA who don’t) how about The Count?  When you don’t grade math exams on a curve, you’re pissing on The Count.

Calculus and statistics and all of that other shit are not hard things.  They’re so easy that they teach themselves.  That’s why they were invented before things like lightbulbs and the Pet Rock — because they’re easy.  They don’t even require professors.  If anyone gets below a perfect score on a math test ever it’s pretty much only because you, the professor, cocked up big time when you taught the shit in the first place.  And then you re-cocked up big time when you wrote the test.  Don’t trifecta your bullshit by pulling the curve.  That’s immature.

You’re not fooling anyone with this "I don’t grade on a curve" shit either, shitcocks.  And as long as there’s ink on my degree from Caltech (which won’t be long because my mom sat it on a table in the living room right in the sun), I’ll be here virtually busting the assholes of assholes like you.  Arrogant pricks.