This is what I got for Xmas — and my reviews of them.

A guinea pig calendar.  That’s great.  Thanks Ashley.

That’s almost as good as the rotten tomatoes I got her for xmas two years ago, or the three song mix CD that she got for her mother on the mother’s day of 2002.

The gift gave me a great idea: The Calendar of the Month Club.

Think about it.  Everyone looks through their whole calendar by the time the first month is over.  Wouldn’t it be great if you got a brand new calendar with a new theme every month?  No more torture about not turning the page and pre-boring yourself.  No more office xmas full of guinea pig figurines because someone stuck you with a calendar of the very same for an entire year and everyone thought you were some kind of guinea pig psycho.

I just got this super awesome camera called the Canon SD450.  If you were trying to think of a good xmas present for me, that would have been it.

Let me go over some of the features:

Big Screen and lens. They’re so big that they get more from the world than your eyeballs do.  That was disconcerting at first, but soon enough I was walking around the house staring into the screen.  It’s like the view is moving in slow motion even when you whip the camera all around.  I know that explanation doesn’t make any sense, but the actual phenomenon doesn’t make any fucking sense.  You have to see for yourself.

Pixels. I’m over the whole pixel-count thing.  Megapixels, resolutions, it’s all a bunch of ridiculousness.  I’m a quality over quantity kind of guy and that’s why the Canon SD450 appeals to me.  I’ve blown up a nice brown pixel on the right so everyone can see what I’m talking about.  Look at the clarity and definition.  That’s one hell of a pixel.  I selected it from a picture of this bird in my backyard who stuck itself in a tree.  It’s a pretty hilarious picture.

Gay Name.  If you ever wanted a camera with a gay sounding name, look no further than this guy.  It’s called the Digital Elph!  You can just make it out sideways on the picture of the camera over there on the left.  Now that’s a gay name!

Finger Prints on screen.  I think all the SD450’s come with this, but it might be because I had to buy one that was returned.  Either way, if you’re too lazy to fuck up your new enormous LCD screen with your own fingerprints, your camera comes with some preinstalled smudge marks.  Fantastic!  Mine also had the words: "Cursed" and "Forbid of use" scratched into the bottom.  What’s that all about?

Sample Pictures

My garage…some kind of dudes in there?

My kitchen…I don’t remember that guy.

My roommate…roommates?  Uh oh.

Alright, that’ll do.